almost done...

Well.. Where do I start? I don't know... Tonight, I learned a best friend of mine bought a gun. He bought this for self-defense. I can see this. I have no problem with him wanting to defend himself. The idea that he bought and feels a need for it, does not bother me. What bothers me is, that there could be a need for it. This is not his fault. Society, has failed all of us. We are our own demonic force of evil. The fact that anyone needs a gun to protect oneself, is pretty fucked... We do not live in the ghetto (me and the friend). We do not live in "high crime" neighborhoods. You never know, though... Crime is wherever such suspect wants to go. I can see his viewpoint and the possibility of necessity of it. Better the working class citizen live rather than the fuck who tried to rob, rape, or murder anyone in my home!

Sad though, that in what should be a progressing generation of people, it gets worse. Terrible. Sickening! Fuck, what tangent do I go off on from here? Do I go off on the low life fucks who would rather steal and hurt someone else for their own benefit? No. Because if you're reading this, you're not one of them. Has society failed them? Partially. It could be better, but there are more options now than ever to improve your life and well-being. Unfortunate that this way of life is glamorized in some cases.

Next question may be a bit more "controversial." I don't think it is. At all... But there are those who will argue. And they should because it's a great argument. Better them than me? Well, in most cases, yes. I, he, and most of those I chose to hangout with, get close to, or even just chill for a beer, are smarter and have a deeper (much deeper) respect for human life, people, ethics, and morality than most. Funny how many of these people are agnostic/atheist... Religion? Hello? Are you there? Oh, yeah... There you are! Making it worse! With your hate against anyone who doesn't believe what you do!

Anyways, you can argue any of the points above... Regardless of your argument and outcome... What is life worth? Is life worth living to live and do nothing but live? Help this and that, but no real contribution to society... Life for "God?" Yeah... Sure... I'll live out my days in HOPES that there is something "greater" and I will be "rewarded" for it. *cough* BULLSHIT *cough* I could volunteer a lot and help out that way, but then I wouldn't have a roof above my head either... Sickens me... Where the fuck do my taxes go?! Roads and jails... (THIS is a WHOLE other topic that deserves attention!)

And so the agnostic/atheist has no children and works his whole life. Hoped he could make a difference somehow, somewhere, but didn't make enough to. He had to survive! Well... Then what was life worth? What was the point? Religion makes life "worth" something because you are supposedly "rewarded" in the end. Well, religion is such bullshit to begin with. And to live by it and think you're okay because you did "your best" by your interpretation? Yeah, go fuck yourself. If I had a child, it would to be in hopes of him trying to make a true difference. Understanding life is fucked, help people, and that's the best you can do. What have I done? I feel like nothing...

Now, I'm about to go to bed so I can show up for work. I have a job where I am GROSSLY underpaid, say yes'sir no'sir, and be "happy" for the paycheck. I do appreciate a job, and a paycheck, and not having to deal with more problems than I have to... But that doesn't do anything for society, that doesn't do anything to progress it, and to me, than it does nothing for me. It lets me live... Kind of.

So what's next for me? Us? Who knows. Sometimes I think I keep myself alive just to find out. I don't see any real reason to stay alive. I won't get to have children, I won't have a meaningful job, and I won't get to do anything I'm passionate about. That's my fault. I didn't see the reality of my future... But if I feel this way at 25, how many youths out there feel this way? They're the future! I fucked mine up... I own that, but I should be able to show that to others, too... I'm lost. Show me the way or life just isn't worth anything. Living for our own self-interest is... well... selfish. How can I help at this point?

I'm sure there are plenty of arguments against me. I'm also sure there are many arguments against those arguments! I am interested in hearing all of them. Though, I may scream, kick, and fight against some of them... I want to hear them. Very interested in everyone's viewpoint. If anyone sees or responds to this, please, keep the bloodshed somewhat minimal. But there could be bloodshed and I kind of look forward to it...